3 Radio Stations is enough for me

The three radio stations I now listen to are 89.9, 100.7, and 95.1 FM.

89.9 is K-love
100.7 is My Bridge
95.1 is KRKR

All of them are christian radio stations. So they DONT play that rap and hip hop junk. Please don't write me off just yet-read a little more.

The question that has been around but not really answered is this: what radio/music should true christians listen to? Well Im going to give my answer. Its anything that glorifies God. Can the lyrics to "Yeah" glorify God? I highly doubt that. I'll admit that in the past I have liked songs that "have a good beat" and said that I dont listen to the words. But IT DOESN'T MATTER! I could say that I don't listen to them at all, but that would be a lie. The lyrics and aura seep into my brain--into my thought proccesses--whether I realize it or not. I call it junk because that's literally what it is! Crap that gets in the way of thinking(therefore behaving) clearly like I should. If you don't believe me, I have made up a test.


THE TEST
Listen to only Christian music for a week.

I think this would work for the Christian and..the not... Logically, what you put your head must come out. Given, we are constantly surrounded by daily struggles and difficulties that try to bring us down. But we choose the music we listen to, its as easy as flipping a dial. How stupid do I have to be? I have fervrently prayed to be given strength to withstand this world of Satan's temptations-but I am giving in to sin everywhere!

Philipians 5:8

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Is the music I listen to of good repute? Go back to basics. WWJD? What would Jesus do? If He were on earth right now in bodily form, would we want Him to ride in the car with us and listen to our music?
I certainly wouldn't.


Matthew 12:33-37
33“Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. 34You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. 35The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. 37For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”


So I have 6 radio station possibilities in my car. I preset these 3 radio stations twice.
I am not saying that every form of music that isn't Christian is a sin to listen to; Im just saying that I need to be careful as to what I put in my head. I encourage you to think about it too.

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These are my thoughts, take them for what they are.

Hear the silence

On my face...

are stories youve heard before
but in a different light
whose wrinkles arent the same
as anothers lifeless fight

(and in the face of others)

I see suffering eyes
and hearts that yearn
for something to hold onto
desperately-trying to learn

(still in the faces of some)

I see hate and regret and bitterness
whose ears turn to empty fillings
throughout the years of
yelling and fighting
resounding over the love of the One true giver
screaming and denying
the truth of the One who delivers
helpless and dying
yet still not believing in
the One who is The Forgiver

of all the past wrongs
giving us a home to belong to
of all the future failings
though undeserving as we
of all the internal questioning
now able to know our purpose
because without Him, we have no purpose.

a REAL singer: music today?

Well I started college as a Vocal Performance Major.
Obviously theres a lot of adjusting to do. But one thing I do know, I do NOT want to loose the humanity in my singing. I realize that my voice may be a little breathy, nasally, etc. sounding. But thats what makes me HUMAN. Such classical training at my college gives robotic voices without feeling/soul. That is so important to me. I also realize that if I start from a solid foundation then I can sing however I want/be able to grow more....than if I just winged my music career on my own. Now, I hear way too many singers who sing void of emotion. I dont care if their faces are ecstatic with expression, thats just an act. I dont care if it honestly LOOKS like they care about what they're singing, if they did-their VOICE would match their FACE.

PLANS:
ONE ridiculous one. Move to Chicago and play on street corners. I think it would be an awesome way for me to be unafraid to put myself out there. I wouldn't know anyone so I wouldn't care what they think about me and my music.

TWO more practical one-be a voice teacher. I think the reason my career is so...difficult to decipher is because the less mature side of me wants to be free-Freelance!!!! And the smart, adult-side says "No, be studious. be practical." But which one should i do?! Both paths have so many pros and cons. I think I would learn the most from being a freelancer.....Honestly, I dont want to end up in the same town, same group of people, same church UNTIL IM 80. I mean really ,I guess there's comfort in commonality. but I WANT CHANGE. I feel like Im a leader and I could instigate so much change and, for example, start a church where it's needed!! I dont think God put me in my city to stay there and not reach out like i KNOW I CAN. Its like a spiritual gift thats being stiffeled and i hate it!! My parents would absolutely never agree. In fact they would probably kick me out of the house. They just dont understand. (And thats not coming from the immature teenager.)Thats coming from an intellectual human being who is trying with everything I have to look at ALL aspects of this situation.


IN CONCLUSION: I over-analyze.

to-do list song

oh that list on the wall
of things Ill never do
like take out the trash
and get over you

oh that spider on the floor
second one Ive squished today
how very poetic of me
to mention arachnids anyway

CHORUS
well its not that artsy
what a mess I am
how I cant sleep at night
Its kind of sad
how I would like a spider
to sit near my lighter
if I smoked at all
at least things would be brighter
if I had you
to sit down beside me, here.

oh because staring at the wall
wont cut it anymore
if I see another re-run
I might end up dead on the floor

(to chorus)

oh that list on the wall
oh that spider on the floor
how does any one find love anymore?

belong (possible title)

mm to figure you out
how good we'd be together
we wouldnt have to wonder
mm to figure you out
I know we'd make it
we wouldn't have to wander

you pretend to look through me
do you even know
I cant get you off my mind
youre on it all the time
like a clock with broken parts
Im failing without you
and breaking apart

Famous Dreams

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKfDwChOoHI

I thought I had a dream
where life was how I wanted it to be
I woke up to see
that this dream wasn' t a reality

I thought I had a dream
where I could fly with the stars
(instead) I woke to screaming cars
and nothing but scars

If only I could dream of happiness
then maybe I would be satisfied
with the mediocridy of nullified
Or perhaps dream of loneliness
and be content with happiness

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FOOTNOTE:
Im not sure about the whole last stanza. I feel like it explains the previous two stanzas, but may be too dfficult to understand. I guess I'll leave it for now and make changes later.

This poem was inspired my numerous things- one being Martin Luther King's opening line, "I had a dream....". The other inspiration is a song by Priscilla Ahn, "Dream." Both are wonderful. Last is my previous post about my dreams.

Comment if you feel, please!

woken up

I want to be remembered

as someone who really did something

not for themesevles

but for making a change



In this world

where there is too much despair

In this life

where there are too many souls wasted

from ignorance or purely inhumanity



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DIARY PORTION:

I dont really know what that ^^ is-a poem most likely. Its more just my current thoughts. For example, when I was younger I wanted to be a professional dancer. I worked my very hardest to pay for dance lessons ( at age 14). I detassled in the morning ( a type of extremely vigirous migrant field work) until 3 or so, then I would go to dance at night. I was extremely exhausted and not to mention sore. I still loved to dance, but I couldnt afford it and my parents wouldve even drive me down to the dance studio. So I gave up my dream of dancing. When I see professional dancers in any performance, a part inside of me cries. I want so badly to not have failed at my dream. I still love dance and have always tried to take lessons. Now that Im out of high school its hard to find a studio or class suitable for the 'retired love' dancer.


Sorry Ill try to write better on the next post, maybe some songs.

Comment if you like!

Song: wrong direction

(chorus)
Ive been wrong
looking in the wrong places
running in different directions
Ive been wrong
looking to the wrong faces
running in different directions
Ive been wrong

vs.1
its hard to see/inside my mind
God knows my heart/and theres nothing I can hide
I cant cover up the lies that-

I can do this on my own
I dont need His help home

((chorus))
vs.2
He loves me strong/even when I dont decide
to follow like I should/I still try to hide
I cant cover up the lies that

I can do this on my own
I dont need His help home
((chorus))


tag:
But
I've been wrong
I cant do this on my own
I've been wrong
I need help
to find my way home

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still working on that title ^^


DIARY PORTION:
So many times I try to run in two different directions when it comes to God and how I should live my life. Thats why so often I end up standing still, right where I dont want to be. I surround myself with distractions that only pull me down yet still I expect to be able to keep these things away? Is that not a little...well stupid?But thats what we do. We mess up, and God picks us up. Thats what is so ecstatically amazing about Him. No other person would help someone like me. Like me: a hypocrite, a sinner, a liar.

God is unmeritably great.

Notable Leaders

First, the president:
Personally, I would have voted against Obama even before he was elected. I do not support a lot of the things he stands for. However, it is very important to "support" whoever is in power. By support I dont necessarily mean agree with everything, just dont be ignorant. If the people are not behind the power then we-as a country- are worthless. We have to stick around and fight through storms. Given, I would be more apt to say this if someone I did approve of was in Office. Still the philosophy stands.

Second veterans:
I find it outrageuosly rude and angering how some Americans treat those who FIGHT FOR YOUR FREEDOM. Even though everyone might not support the war in Iraq and such, those soliders are still fighting for us and our country. Everyone should be thanking every solider they see for giving them the choices we have today. I cannot even express how frustrated I become when I hear someone speaking illy of servants of freedom. As if they could do a better job!

This all sparked from an event today. I cashier and an older man came through my line with his wife, I noticed he wore an "Army Retired" shirt. I asked what war he served in and he answered, "Which One? Vietnam?World War 2?..." and another one I cant remember. Thats pretty awesome I think. I thanked him for serving. He really appreciated it and I was happy to brighten his day. You know thats a huge problem, we are often hardly grateful for the freedoms we have! I have made it somewhat of a point to thank every man in uniform I see, but now I am not going to miss an opportunity, ever. So many soliders suffer severe mental effects from the wars they serve in. The LEAST we can do is simply say, thank you.

-------------------------
(side note)
I wonder what this man thought of me. Maybe he wondered, why is this teenager thanking me for serving? what are her moral values? I guess they dont just eat junk food. Maybe he was having a hard day and that made it better, I hope so.

Thats all.

John 1: New Life

DIARY PORTION:

So I am a follow of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. I recently shared the gospel with a friend of mine, lets call her Chelsea. Chelsea has an amazing life stoy. She was diagnosed with Tourettes syndrome, ADD, and OCD at a young age. Her parents told-and continue to tell her- that there's something wrong with the way she is. She's messed up, but I think the contrary.

Despite all set backs Chelsea is a vibrant flower among many sleeping bodies. She is always friendly and perky;her enthusiasm amazes me. Even before she was "saved" she had more joy and I ever did as a true Believer. (These sleeping bodies I refferred to are christians who just mope around, but if we truly know Jesus than we should be ecstatic with joy!)

Anyways her parents are devout Catholics and forcibly pick her up for Mass services. Chelsea does not want to go because she wants to learn the truth about Jesus. Let me take a moment to examine the catholic faith.

True catholics believe:
1) you must take part in the sacraments
-where in the bible does it say you have to DO any thing to be saved? Does it not say, " For by grace we have been saved, and that NOT OF OURSELVES, it is a gift of God, NOT OF WORKS, so that no man may boast?" (Ephesians 2:8-9)

2) Mary is the mediator
-again where does it say that you must go through Mary to get to Christ/Heaven? On the contrary, Jesus says, " I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father but by me." (John 14:6) it doesnt say, no one comes to the Father but by Mary and I.

--If that isnt enought to prove folly in the Catholic system, I could find more.

BACK TO CHELSEA:
She has just become saved but her parents wont allow her to come to church. She lives with her foster mom who is "christian" but doesnt attend church. Thankfully she allows Chelsea to come to some bible studies with me. Chelsea desperately wants to learn more about Jesus but is hindered greatly by her parents. Then I thought, If she cant come to church then I'll bring church to her. So I am going to meet with her and talk about Jesus! We are going to start with the gospel of John.

TODAY:
I thought it would be a good idea to read John 1 in depth, so I can better help Chelsea. You know what I love about the bible? It never fades and gets old. I found so much comfort in reading John 1! God reveals new things to us every time we read the bible. I could read the same passage 12,000 times and still get something new out of it, i.e. something I missed or had forgotten.


THAT IS ALL.
If you read all of this, please please please comment. Because you just wasted your time (and mine)if you read all of this and really have nothing to say. Well maybe I enlightened you...

thank you!

the sunny side

my heart is broken
in need of repair
your heart is hardened
is anything there?

your heart is stitched
the same as mine
our hearts seams (to) match
like grapes on a vine
(because) your heart is stitched
the same as mine
our pieces fit together

so lets sew them to match the weather
and hold up our hearts, like a banner

and maybe things will get better
if we sew our hearts to match the weather
and hold up our hands, like a banner




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So the death of my keyboard prompted my not posting on this for so long! it was so frustrating haha , I didnt realize how much I liked to write until I wasnt able to. Well I did hand write some stuff but my brain moves faster than my hands -at least when Im typing I can type what Im thinking much faster than writing.

Anyways let me know what you think about this one! thanks :)

I WROTE A REALSONG!

I WROTE A SONG!!
music and lyrics and everything.will post VIDEO later. my spacebar isbadly broken!!gaaah

lyrics are in a latter post titled "Without You" way back in April.

Self-a-do-it! copyright 1992

I believe this time has come.


I'm young, I dont want to be one of MY parents that dont know squat about technology. (no effense to Mom and Pops.) There are so many technological advances (half of which we dont even know about because the government hides it.)

Think about it. If the United States had atomic bombs in world war 2- now nearly 50 years later-there logically has to be some crazy bombs and blow up crap out there we dont really WANT to know about. Ignorance is bliss, eh? On a side note, U.S. was (is) hardly the technological leader nationally speaking. Russia has always been ahead of us, and China is booming like fireworks on the 4th! Their whole "self a-do-it!" philosophy seems to work on that level, selfish introverts. Side-side note* self-a-do-it was a term coined by YOURS TRULY as a child-I rather like it, shows my sticklerness :) haha no really I was a good kid.

I could ramble a whole nother page but Im feeling a short article tonight. Let me know your thoughts- Im a nut for discussion :)


danke schon
((I looked up that German spelling, ha.))

untitled

If I cant go away
I'll leave mentally
take a trip to the pier
and wander into serenity
simplifying my life
by fantastical trips
to far away places
where I can be myself
at least for a little bit

Id sing these songs
in coffee shops and bars
not caring who is listening
until I wake up to passing cars
and realize that Im contemplating
on leaving
and that its aggrivating
to be deceiving

gone too fast

what would we do for love
sabatoge ourselves
or pay in dollars and cents
only to renegotiate our nets

what would you do for love
see him on the city block
its not the first time
he's been on your mind

chorus:
your love is cast
surrounding me
your love might last
longer than this dream
your love could overcast
and clear a way
a love thats gone too fast

(if)I could fade into the brick
my mind might keep/everything but logic
I'd weave through cement cracks/to catch a glance
at the one who makes my heart tick
as I drift into this far romance
(chorus)

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DIARY PORTION: (and newly deemed so)
well I havent been sleeping very well lately, waking up a lot sometimes abruptly with my heart racing. I cant exactly pick out whats bothering me but hopefully writing about it will help me figure it out.

God gives life

Sometimes I feel far away
because I put myself
at a distance anyway

I want to run
in two different directions
then I realize
Your work has just begun

God you open my eyes
when I need it most
I've come to realize
my old self has died

CHORUS:
You open my eyes
when I feel to far to touch
You open my eyes
when I run in cirlces of distress
God, you are the only One


tag:
who can give me life
who can bring air to my lungs
who can give strength to the hopeless

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A lesson taught on Jesus Christ: Everything we need, at my bible study really opened my eyes to sometimes how we as Christians can live. We can go through the motions of a christian, we can want success so badly that we make up standards (things that are not required by God-such as baptism, the sacraments, confession, etc.) show me where in the bible these commands are deemed neccessary to be saved from Hell and given eternal life in heaven?

Anyways that was a couple points the teacher had. The only way we can truly come to Christ is through faith in Him alone. Romans 10:9 " If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved."

-NOTHING we can do saves us. think about it. Christs death on the cross saved us.

SONG: pull close

red haired boy
you caught my attention
something Im shy to mention

dimple smiled boy
youve got me wondering
if youre worth thinking

outside we havent met
inside,it seems our hands
will meet the air's demands

CHORUS
gravity pulls us close
like you hold me
but something pushes us away
like gravity pulls us close
something,I hope, stays

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eh well I guess this doesnt need explaining....I didnt edit it that much, perhaps I will next time. Let me know your thoughts! thanks

realizing

Well I dont think I have so much of a poem tonight as I do a "realization."

Writing my thoughts on this blog has caused me to realize how much I really like writing. Its a way to express myself. Currently I am attending a University as a Vocal Performance major, and I love the same thing about that. I am very right brained when it comes to portraying my feelings. If you look at all my posts,I remember one time I practically wrote a paper-ON MY OWN. (no assignment or anything, I just kept going.) Just saying what I felt in an organized and intelligent manner. Is that a sign?

Last year I took two english classes, poetry and american literature. I absolutely lovedthe poetry class. I really stretched myself to find what I was capable of doing. I always have been extremely good with vocabulary and communication skills when I was a child. I remember in another English class I always aced the tests, and I barely paid attention in class. Maybe this realization has some connection to what my future should look like, what I should pursue.


anyways thats all for now, I may end with a poem
sincerely,
-the lyricist, the musician, the confused one



this box I live in
confines my mind
in its cut out corners
where I sneak for breathe
a short time to rest
from the cookie cut out life

At night I realize (It took time)

vs.1
I dont really love you
I just want the thought of you

I've come to realize
not everything in life
gets better in time

vs.2
I dont really love you
I just want the thought of you

Its easier to see
when we're not blinded
by our own eyes (inbetween)

pre chor.
I love you
I need you
reads
I (dont really) love you
I (never really) need you

CHORUS:
it took time
to read between the lines
it took time
to look into the spaces
it took time
to find our faces

end:
it took lies
to help me realize
it took eyes
it took time
-----------------------------------

I like this whole unwinding at the end of the day, I feel like I get a little closure on life's insanity. Maybe I should be a writer...hah...seeing as this blog has a total of 33 views? I doubt it. But maybe someday..


sweet dreams for now :)

secrets of life

So unfortunately I currently work as a cashier, some interesting things happen at this job.

A couple of days ago, a girl about 13 years old came through and bought a pregnancy test. I acted as if the thing she was buying was practically normal, however it was the opposite. I wondered why she would be needing this, did she have a boyfriend. Somehow, I got the feeling she didnt. She was very quiet and reserved. I wanted to help her, tell her what to do, and that everything would be okay. But I dont know that, I dont even know her. My heart just went out to this girl and I don't know what else to do than write about it.

Yesterday I was returning a movie when I noticed a cute old lady trying very hard to open the door. Initially, I thought about returning my movie and leaving, my conscience quickly turned me otherwise. I said " Do you need some help with this door, its kind of heavy.." I opened the next door as well. She answered in the sweetest voice and something about her tone and frail body spoke to me. I had to make a round about way to get out of the store, but I felt a compassionate fiber inside my heart fill up.I thought about how quickly this life goes, how fast we turn around and we're 80. I am thankful that Jesus Christ has saved me from an eternity in hell. All we have to do is admit we've sinned, messed up, believe Jesus died for us on the cross and confess our sins to him.

Please let me know if you have any questions about this, I would be more than happy to oblige you.



Thanks in general